What you described indicates an improper installation.
BEFORE you open the map window, does everything work fine?
Is there a 3D render?
Is your player window visible?
What normally causes what you're describing is XML files placed in the wrong place. Make sure eq2ui_mainhud_map.xml is in your custom UI folder (it obviously is else you'd be seeing the default map) and all the other EQ2MAP XML files are within an EQ2MAP subfolder of your custom UI folder.
Ignore the "invalid XML format" warning. It's invalid by website XML standards, but not by EQ2 UI standards. If you open it with NotePad, you'll see everything is as it should be.
As for trouble with the auto-updater, search the forums, there're a few things that can cause you to not be able to connect; proxy settings, firewalls, etc.
Quib
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