For your first question...
Replace eq2ui_mainhud_mainchat.xml with the one named "_simple_eq2ui_mainhud_mainchat.xml" or something like that, and I believe that solves that problem, but not 100% sure on that one.
For your second question...
Open up eq2ui_inventory_loot.xml and search for:
IsDefaultButton="true"
There should be two instances of that, one on line 20 and one on line 22. Delete them. Enter will no longer automatically loot.
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