Are you 100% sure that you're doing a clean install of Fetish? To be sure, find your eq2ui_mainhood_guild.xml has the same "modified" date as your wife's. If it doesn't, then you know you haven't been installing it properly. If it does (and the files are exactly the same) then I'm not sure what the problem is. But the fact it's working for others means its something about your installation/your files and not the actual distribution.
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